Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Worst

Hi all-

Once again, I have been lazy about posting. Apologies to everyone who was waiting for this list. Although, to be honest, this is more of a post about movies that I thought were going to be bad, but haven't actually seen. The thing about crap on a stick is, you can usually smell it from a mile away. This is mostly going off stuff I read from critics or just previews that turned me off. There is one movie at the top of the list that I actually did see, which was terrible. It gets my "worst movie of the year" honor. And that movie is....Domino.
I honestly didn't know what to make of the trailer. It was a bunch of quickly cut images that didn't make a lick of sense but looked vaguely cool. Not to worry, I thought, the whole movie won't be like that. How wrong I was. The movie was one of the most confusing things I have ever sat through. It was like a schizophrenic's nightmare in fast forward. It felt like watching a guy about to bulldoze a school, without realising that kids are still inside. You yell, try to get him to stop, but ultimatley, you watch in horror as you stand there helplessly. In the end, you just feel violated, but you're not sure exaclty what happened. And it's a shame, too. I usually am a fan of director Tony Scott. I liked Man on Fire last year and also Top Gun and Crimson Tide. The guy's kind of hit and miss, I guess.
As for the rest, there are endless remakes to choose from- like Bewitched, the Honeymooners or Dukes of Hazzard or The Fog. Remakes that we didn't need, but the studios knew would make money as opposed to taking a chance on something new. Like with Dukes of Hazzard, the only serious actor in the movie is Sean William Scott and one of the original Dukes wouldn't sign off on it. It just says bad things for the film. Other clues are obvious when studios won't screen some movies for critics before hand (like The Fog).
And of course, what would a "worst of" list be without mentiong Rob Schnider? Ebert's review of Duece Bigelow 2 was one of the funniest reviews I've ever read, and also one of the harshest. I like to think that Schnider sits at home, thinking "In this world of ours, troubled by war, disease, and poor country relations, I wonder how I can continue the Duece Bigelow franchise, as it is clearly what the world needs." How he continues to be allowed to make movies, I'll never know. Well, that's it for this year, I hope next year yeilds better movies, or at least a better ratio of good/bad movies. Well, until next time-

Love, Andy

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